I suppose this is a pretty well-trod territory as far as vegan mockery. Anthony Bourdain’s feelings about vegetarians are oft-repeated in these circles, so he’d have to be a zombie to go veg; Ted Nugent is an infamous hunter/asshole in this universe. None of this is news. So it’s really too obvious… but I couldn’t think of anything else.
My inspiration comes specifically from the old episode of No Reservations in which Bourdain visits Nugent’s Texas ranch, where Ted breeds large game so he can hunt it. In my alternate reality, Nuge has populated his private wilderness with mushrooms and edible wild plants like ramps and greens and spends his days foraging and advocating for native plants. Bourdain … would still have to be a zombie to go veg, but he can still cook, so, let’s use that. In the episode I’m re-imagining, Zombie Bourdain cooks a beautiful risotto with Nuge’s freshly foraged mushrooms and wild arugula.
Also, tofu; look, this is a *meal* in real life and I need to use the tofu up, and what kind of vegan doesn’t eat tofu?. Plus my produce isn’t actually foraged. But pretend, okay?